My Favorite Things

I just wanted to do a quick post because I have come to some conclusions recently that I wanted to share. I have realized how lucky I am to be able to stay home with my kids. I am sorry to say this but I don't think I ever felt "lucky" to be home with my girls. My mom was home growing up and most of my friends moms were home and I grew up with the attitude that that was just the way it was. It wasn't a sacrifice it was just the way it was. So consequently when I got married and had kids it wasn't even a decision for me it was just something that I expected would be the way it was. I can't say either that I had huge aspirations to have a career in anything (other than be a singer or actress or some other non reachable goal). Honestly I always wanted to be a mother. I didn't realize then how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn't realize the monotony of it all or the fact that you are cut off from the world for a large chunk of time when your kids are little. I didn't realize that all I was going to do was EVERYTHING and nothing at the same time........ I have been known to complain about this on occasion. And the fact that I had never consciously made the choice to stay home or ever thought that I was "lucky" didn't exactly help with the feelings of occasional resentment.

There have been times when I have had jobs, mostly part-time, during my motherhood career and I felt conflicted about not being with my kids for a few hours a couple times a week! But even then I still wasn't appreciating the fact that I was home with my babies it was more that subconsciously I knew home was where I was supposed to be. It hasn't been until I started my current employment that it is hitting me how lucky I am to be here at home. This new job has been a blessing and I am so incredibly grateful to have it but it has also been very challenging for me at times and has made me feel very out of my comfort zone. I have had to relearn how to talk with adults other than friends and teachers. And I have had to deal with stresses that I haven't had to deal with in a very long time. And all I keep thinking is how glad I am that I don't have to do it full time every day and have my mind caught up in my work instead of my children. Don't get me wrong I LOVE having something other than my children on my mind occasionally but really they are what I love and what my passion in life is for and what I want most of my energy wrapped up in. Dustin and I have had conversations about our different roles and I have commented how I would not want to go to work everyday and he has commented how he would not want to stay home every day. So I guess our roles work for us! But I am very thankful that he takes care of us enough that I have been able to stay at home and be the mom that consciously I WANT to be. I remember my youngest sister saying to me once that she hoped that she got lucky enough to marry a man that made enough money to let her stay home like my older sister and I had. I had never thought of it that way.

Anyway my point in my "short" post was that I am thankful for my husband who works so hard for us so that I can be here everyday for my girls. But I am also thankful for the job I have and the( albeit small) contribution I am able to make monetarily at home without taking me away from my favorite things. And I don't really know where all this is coming from as I look at the PILE of laundry on my couch and the disaster that my family room is. But for now I am actually feeling grateful to be here to fold it and to be here to watch my girls grow up a little every day. BUT you might not want to ask me how I am feeling about the pile of laundry that will probably still be on my couch and the family room that will be a disaster again TOMORROW.