Who is listening?

So here is what I have been thinking about for the last couple of days. Have you ever stopped to think about the way you talk to your kids? I recently was in McDonald's enjoying an ever so (not)-peaceful McDonald's Playplace experience with a couple of friends. All of a sudden I hear a mom raise her voice to her son. She was standing at the bathroom with the door open and INSISTING that he "COME HERE NOW!!"

She wasn't a "Walmart mom"either. You know the ones that look like maybe they haven't showered in a few days, and their kids look like their clothes haven't been washed in weeks, and you can tell they could care less what anyone thinks about the way they are speaking to their children which isn't usually in the least bit nice (actually as I am describing a "walmart mom" I think there have definitely been times I have been in walmart that I might actually qualify in that category!).

BUT she was a very nice looking well maintained mother, as was her son. Now just out of reflex I believe many of us looked up to see what the commotion was. All of a sudden she realized that there were many people looking at her and she sort of blushed and smiled and said, "I am really sorry. I thought I was at home for a minute!" We all kinda chuckled as we all knew EXACTLY what she was talking about.

There is a mother's home tone and a mother's public tone. The public tone is MUCH nicer most of the time than the home tone. And it got me thinking, that maybe I need to reevaluate how I speak to my children not only in public but in private as well. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely don't begrudge this McDonald's mom. I have spoken to my kids in much the same way. But it was hearing it being said to another's child and realizing how harsh it sounded and how belittling it sounded that made me start to feel bad. I know that for me I get tired of kids not listening and having to ask the same thing over and over and finally there is a breaking point. But what I have realized is that that breaking point over the years has started to come quicker and quicker. It's almost as if I don't even give them the chance half the time to obey before I am making my directions "very clear". I have seen the look on my kids faces when I have barked out a command and it definitely isn't admiration or love that comes emanating back. But I can't really blame them. It wasn't love or admiration that was being shot at them either!

So this is what I have been thinking about lately and what I am going to try and work on. I really want to respect my children no matter what their age. I guess I think that there must be a way to direct and guide them without always bossing and intimidating them. I am not sure that I am going to succeed everyday, but I really want to try and stay present with how I am speaking to them. And realize that I should ALWAYS speak kinder to them not just when I think someone else is listening. I have a suspicion that the nicer I speak to them the nicer they might speak to each other. I know that I will still be getting frustrated and that they will probably 9 times out of 10 require me to repeat the phrase, "put your backpack away", but I am going to try! Wish me luck!